Before anyone starts yelling at me to stop clicking and typing on my keyboard, let me write what ‘eats’ me. These thoughts in my mind, that’s all, despite how controversial the thoughts are their itch my finger to write them down. The thoughts are from a statement I heard recently that ‘A woman ought to be disciplined, but only when necessary’, really, you moron, I hear you call me names now.
Before I jot anything, let’s get facts straight: I am a solid and a strong believer in condemning any kind of women abuse period. Nonetheless, as a free living person, I believe in getting different interpretations of the coin as well as allowing peoples criticisms as this propagates a diverse opinion and might help uncover and even help avoid this violence at early stages.
As a principle, women abuse is a no no regardless of any reason laid down or explained whatsoever that would lead one to hit a woman. Hence my openness in trying to uncover this controversy: Is a little discipline to (a woman) worthwhile? I am I serious, even daring to pose this question, really you wondering, I can hear you saying that.
Recently in a so called meeting place, a joint if you like, while I was having my lunch I overheard some men arguing disciplining a wife, crazy talk it was, leading me to a rethink of this controversial topic. After listening to them, with their passion and amazed at how corrupt people can be. I was even perplexed to realise that there were also two women in their company too and who were supporting all what they were saying, I wasn’t sure if it was under influence or they were pleasing the pocket that was buying. Thereafter I was very anxious, wondering how many people out there had the same thinking and views. With due respect, it’s absurd to even challenge and write anything contrarily to the active campaign ‘stop women abuse’. I still find it worthwhile digging and be able to write about this issue, as food for thought.
While drifting deep with this thoughts I posed this scenario here of a certain couple. Sierra’s husband is hardworking, responsible married man living a dream married life. Sierra too, has a good job and she is a good wife too, an active partner in the matrimonial institution. Despite their successes, just like any typical couple, sometimes cracks are visible in their marriage and all is not paradise for this dream couple. Pressure comes from all walks of their lives: once in a while financial misses arises and not made easy by recession that leads to bank interests hikes; pressures in raising their two children as well as a constant stress from their respective career paths at work. During those times, temperature increases in their household and murmurs and quarrel erupts with raised voices that eventually become bitter disagreements.
Communication is very important for couple, yap couplenication. Couples constant disagreements always lead to mute situations where each partner retracts to their comfort shell as a way of protecting themselves from a fight. Lack of communication creates a mountain, a barrier that conceals anger and eventually kills the bedroom passion that fuels the happiness in the marriage. Lack of sex is a marriage killer that instantly provokes leading to untamed tongue that is reckless hurling insults and rude terms eventually calling infidelity in to quench the passion.
A hungry man is an angry man. Recall that the couple is now bedroom angry and desperate burning from a lack. A reckless and careless talk follows in the name of ‘lemme tell you the truth’ lines where women are experts in this territory. Couples start exposing some sensitive parts of each other. A good example is where a woman disclosures issues about the husband manhood, which should not have been mentioned if all was well but now is comprehended as a weapon aimed at infuriating the man and the husband on the other hand describing other women in the midst of the wife.
Insults like these might provoke physical violence:
Woman: ‘A man? Giggling …’sorry’,
Woman: ‘So u call yourself a man….hehehehehehe ‘,
Woman: ‘Even you, hehehehehehe, among men, you also call yourself a man? hehehehehehe’
Woman: ‘Hehehehehehehe, Even you, You can talk when other men talk?’
Man: ‘Thats not my son, after me who entered’ there? Rubbish.
Man: ‘You are just like your mother’
Man: ‘Good for nothing, I was better of without you in the first place’.
No partner can take such kind of insults, its emotional distressing, it demeans ones character. Name calling heightens immediate anger to a man. Him being a gentleman will try to keep his cool and be quite and maybe try to avoid any physical orientations, but for how long? Remember all this is happening on a difficult and all other pressures are common in their lives. This is fatal, and a destructive act of fighting. As much as the (insult) weapon works, it’s tore’s the marriage and the husband more. Once beaten twice shy as one can forgive but never forgets.
With these, quick at physical men, may result to violence very fast. My main point here, imagine trying to understand why a woman getting hit. I had to. Considerate men I spoke to, for them to cool down their either go to a gym, or have sex or alcohol or all of them. I would say about this situation is that, it’s either you confront the situation head-on or you flee, that’s all.
The gym
I believe one of the best options to choose whenever one is angry is working out. Anger just like happiness is an energy and needs to be channel out in a constructively. Lifting weights, working out on a treadmill or hitting the boxers’ bag will bring out this negative energy and eventually bring calmness. Unfortunately not many people adhere to the benefits of a workout but as an alternative hitting the bathroom walls might work but eventually bruising oneself as a result.
A drink
A big number of couples and mostly the men always results to alcohol. Alcohol is a drug and it has a peculiar way of drowning ones sorrows and also attraction power that leads to substance abuse. Drunks always have an acceptance company which leads to an addiction. Every time a couple is fighting or just having normal quarrels a partner will resort to a drink that will temporarily bring comfort but leaves a scar. I guess the line ‘you can run but not hide’ was true. Instead of the couple fighting for their marriage, they opt for easy comforting habits. Liquor has no master so to speak and irresponsible habits and violence follows.
Recall that the couple is in a not-communicating attitude, name calling is still at its peak but reserved; so with the husband high and intoxicated he is not the sweet gentleman that he used to be. Automatically, he will resort to physical and leading to the shame that is worth condemning, ‘no to women abuse!!
Sex
Sex is the quick and easily sought after alternative by many ‘fighting’ couples. Making love is a therapy that many physicians, therapists and doctors agree about its magical rejuvenation. Sex, calls all happiness hormones of the body and is one of the most known relaxation session that can increase happiness and joy energy by kicking away sadness and anxiety.
During fights and quarrels, couples are not intimate at all hence they deprive each other the natural magic therapy with its benefits. They lock away from each other hiding out the deep burning desire inside of them. With name calling, a couple may engage and experiment with other ‘willing and available players’ in the name of quenching their lust. Carelessness and reckless now kicks in, no more Mr Gentleman or Mrs Nice lady anymore. Only ‘quench this fire person right now’ is talking and walking and now the ‘couple’ is treading is murky waters: neighbours to physical violence as the husband may hit the wife who at this time is throwing insults to ‘this stranger’.
It’s good to know how this starts. Despite all what I have wrote, and am ready to say, or scream rather……stop justifying, there is no reason whatsoever of hitting a woman.
Use reason period. Or quit the union. Simple!
Wise words follows: Love and Respect your woman!Look to her not only for Comfort, but for strength and inspiration.I’m repeating yet again and I strongly condemn any form of women abuse. My emphasis, no to women violence, I insist, for that I rest my case.
Wathint’abafazi, wathint’imbokodo!
You hit a woman, you strike a rock.
U-waz-Hea 